January 26th

I have been thinking about writing this post for 3 days, but just couldn't find the words.  January 26th marked 9 years since our 3rd precious bundle decided Jesus' arms were calling.  While I can see the plans God had through loosing our first 4 babies through miscarriage, it does not make it easier to see their 'birthdays' come on the calendar year after year.  I used to think it would have been easier to endure the loss if we had living children around us, but now that we do have precious children my realization is that now I know what we missed by not knowing those precious children.  Hearing their giggles, kissing their owies, snuggling little bundles and seeing the world through their eyes on a daily basis are all things that in our last two miscarriages (both after we had living children) hurt even more!  Now to be honest, having miscarriages is not the biggest trial I feel we have endured, but they were life changing and have helped me to enjoy being a mommy at all hours of the day AND night and to watch my complaints about what parenthood means.  Those precious babies grow up and they become toddlers and in be'tweens' and the one we have not yet experienced - teenagers.  But you know what?  We have 6 children that we never get to go through those stages with!!!  -wonderful or tough stages as they may be- So for me to complain about the stage of parenthood we are at with ~enter any difficult moment (and there are MANY)~ our living children would be to forget the battle we faced along with being ungrateful for the blessings God has bestowed upon us.

I miss you my six precious -PERFECT- angels...see you in heaven one day.

I encourage anyone that may read this to think about a family that struggles with fertility or have even moved into the roller coaster called adoption and find a way to bless and encourage them.  Even if they are not asking for help....THEY NEED IT!!!

Maybe the words were still not right, but it was time for me to 'write' them out!  Thank you for reading my thoughts.

My Handsome

 I have to take a moment and brag on my amazing Handsome...This guy literally makes my world spin on a regular basis, He wears so many different 'hats' and I do not always understand what that means for him and all that he does in a 24 hour time period!!!! 

 He is an amazing husband, always has been.  He is sweet and fairly chivalrous (was more so before children...but when wrangling 6 kids to get into the Suburban I cannot exactly expect him to open my door any more!  ;)  He pays attention so little things and is very good about helping around the house!  He cooks, does laundry & dishes, changes diapers and occasionally gives me a day to myself!!!  He is working on becoming more of a romantic (not a natural thing for him...but I am) but when the day is done I know that this man is mine forever!  He is my true love and I am blessed that God saw fit to make me for this man! 

He is a hard worker...sometimes TOO HARD a worker. He started our married life (11.5 years ago!) as an electrician and quickly starting doing pulpit supply for area pastors that were sick or on vacation.  That lead him to becoming an Associate Pastor (while still doing full time electrical work) and then a Senior pastor (while still doing FT electrical work.)  My husband puts 110% into whatever he is doing.  I honestly cannot think of another man I would rather listen to preach God's Word.  He started working for the city right after Cupcake was born and 6 months in received an amazing opportunity (promotion) to where he is now....plus since then has been given many other responsibilities, labels, ect. that he is in charge of.  He has remolded/built/upgraded/added onto every house we have ever lived in, even the ones we didn't own.  He is AMAZING!  And while he isn't doing direct electrical work or pastoral work any more he still finds time to do that here and there.  He does some electrical on the side for people and also fills in preaching when given the opportunity! 

He is a great Daddy!  This is him and our Princess dancing in the living room one night before bed.  Dance speaks to this girls heart and he went as far as doing 'the Daddy' dance two years in a row on stage in front of people just to connect with his precious first born!  She has talked him into dancing again this year and I'm excited to see it!  He does a very good job with explaining things so kids can understand them and also teaching them what God expects of them! 

 Handsome & our Sunshine

Our sunshine has been a bit of a challenge to both myself and my husband, his mental issues really stretch us on a daily basis...but that being said it has been AMAZING to watch Handsome blossom as a father to this (not so) little guy.  He allows him to watch and learn while doing landscaping/yard work or even when working in the kitchen.  He takes the time to explain and discipline...he really strives to teach our son how to be a respectable adult/husband/father/worker one day!

 Handsome & Cupcake

This honestly has been one of the most amazing things for me to witness!!!  Cupcake is our only surviving biological child, and while we love all of our children the same...there are things that are different about her.  She comes FROM us, the rest of our children do not.  We have been working to bond with and strengthen that bond with our adopted children ever since they joined our family...but Cupcake was born bonded with us.  To see the natural bond between my Handsome and Cupcake has been awesome.  He has changed on account of her...in a good way.  She has softened him, she had shown him love, she has taught him so many things....and he adores her.  She can get him to melt into a puddle with a cute little smile and head turn.  It is beautiful.

 Handsome & LoveBug

LoveBug has been another trick for us...she was born addicted to crack cocaine.  We already had a 5 month old at home that I was nursing/pumping for.  So Handsome took on the challenge of taking care of her in the middle of her withdrawals....he would snuggle her up so tight and walk with her all hours of the night and day.  Because of this a very special bond was formed between the two of them...she has turned into a clown and he and her have so much fun together.  To this day he is the only one that she will settle down and snuggle with! 

I am so blessed and thankful to have a husband that loves me, loves our children and sticks by through thick and thin.  Which is good...because he is about the only one who sticks around...we have a desire to serve God in the capacity in which He deems best for us, at this time it seems foster care is really where He wants us.  Handsome also has a desire to get me healthy so I can enjoy a long life with the children God has given me.  I am thankful for this man...this very man God gave to me!!!!

 

I Love You Handsome!!!!