Children...

***Notice: I do not claim to be the parent that knows everything, has perfect children, or responds correctly to every circumstance that comes up throughout the day.  HOWEVER, I do try very hard to look to the future as to what is best for my children and then apply life lessons to the children God has blessed me with today, that will help prepare them for that future.  Also, this is not written with anyone in mind...it is a reminder to me ~as a parent~ the battle I am fighting daily for the Lord.

As I mentioned yesterday, "Children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." Children are a gift from God, but so often times we forget that while they are blessings and they are precious and cute...they also need to grow up to be respectable hard working adults. That isn't going to happen by chance, parenting takes hard work...there is not a specific 'how to' manual...each child IS different. But God's Word is a good place to start! "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 Do we really think the child who is allowed -without repremand- to tell that man how fat he is, or to kick the nice lady at the doctors office, tell their own parents to shut up, or to throw food at the person sitting at the booth behind them at the restaurant, ect. is going to just stop after they exit the 'terrible twos' aweful threes or confusing tweens....um, NO. Their repulsive acts will just grow with their age. NOW, before you start throwing a fit (these are all things, and many more, I have personally witnessed) kids will be kids and we all know they like to 'test the waters.' But as we are clay in the Potters hands...so are children in their parents hands. Many a times my children have opened their mouth or done something that is not allowed or even for the first time trying something in public...BUT they do not get away with it. You know what needs to happen, the parent is to make a big dramatic scene and yell and scream at the child forcing them to say they are sorry and leave before any more embarassement happens....NO. Did you know a child will hear far better if you speak with kind quiet words rather than yell and put on a show?

Another thing that is good is to set up consequences in advance. If you have been having trouble in a particular area lately let them know before it starts what will happen if they act up and what will happen if they are good. For example...we have been having trouble with our two oldest being wild at church ( I know, I know...they are not that bad...BUT they are doing things that we do not allow as parents to our children) so, before we left for church we told them the struggles they have been having at church lately...they agreed. We told them what is expected of them while at church, again they agreed. We then ASKED them what a good consequence would be if they broke our rules while at church...we agreed it was a fair decision. I was unable to go because of sick babies...but Handsome again reminded them of the discussion once they were buckled in the Suburban. They broke our rules at church. Plain and simple...they disobeyed their Mommy and Daddy. When they loaded up in the Suburban after church Handsome asked them...so how do YOU think you did at church today? They both spoke in turn explaining that they were naughty and did not obey. Handsome they asked what we should do about it. Almost together they both responded by stating the consequence decided upon before church. And do you know what? They faced that consequence with no bad attitude, no tears, no trying to get out of it...they faced it and accepted it. In a sense they 'owned' their actions! Do you know how we got to this point in parenting? HARD WORK! Consistant teaching of obedience and the consequences of wrong doing from the time they were 6 months old!

Now the hardest thing that I am finding for me as a parent is having to try and teach your children to do what is right even when people around you will not back you up.  It is no secret we have higher or stricter expectations for our children than many people around us.  I am not saying this to put myself above anyone, please understand this, but my 5 year old children are to remain in control of themselves at all times.  Not acting wild and loud at inappropriate times or places etc. etc.  I get that, but if you know that my child is not suppose to be running in church (accourding to their parents rules) doing laugh at them and let them run by...stop them!  Remind them that is not something they are supposed to be doing!  Back a fellow parent up!  If you are at a play group and my child is the one hitting someone else's child with a toy...stop them!  As a fellow parent of more than one child you must know that one parent cannot be on top of all four children at all times.  This is a common problem in society today...people around are destroying the authority of the parent.  Sometimes purposefully and sometimes unknowingly.  Did you know that being told NO is not going to send my 5 year old into the depths of depression to the point that as a 37 year old they will not be able to stay in a relationship or hold a job because 32 years before their Mama told them they couldn't have the extra treat or that THIS weekend we are not going to go 'do something fun' we need to work on keeping the house.  Character...let us all go work on it, for ourselves and for our children.

So to sum it all up, raising children is not something that is just going to happen.  But with hard work and dedication you and your child will have a great relationship and you will have a responsible adult child that is a hard worker and actualy respects the authority God has placed in their life! 

A Valley

Dear ones, this is more for myself than anyone.  But feel free to read thoughts as they pertain to you...maybe someone can find something worthwhile in here...

Have you ever heard the phrase that goes something to the effect of, "if Satan is attacking you regularily and people are leaving your side often...you must be doing something right?"  I suppose that is supposed to mean that if we serve God we are all supposed to be lonely righteous people that just keep suffering in the name of Jesus? 

While there are seasons that it does seem this to be true, if you are walking the walk He has given you...you are not alone!  God is always there!  "I will never leave you for forsake you!"  What a comforting thought.  I know that God is with me and I also know what direction in life He wants me to go! 

Another amazing thing is that God as placed someone else on this earth for ME that has the same direction, the same Path God has placed him on!  Handsome is an amazing man all on his own...but the thing is he isn't all on his own.  He is an amazing man because he allows God to lead his life.  He allows God to be the one to direct us as a couple and as a family.  I have not met many, if any, other people in this short life I have lived that are as true to God as my husband.  Sure there are many that try to proclaim that they are...but seriously, you cannot speak that you are a believer and follower of Christ...your fruits will speak for you.  "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.  For with the heart man believeth unto rightwousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation."  I am not saying that if you are saved that you can loose your salvation....because Romans 10:9&10 says right there that if you truly believe you are saved.  What I am saying is that there are many people that taken Gods mercy and grace a little too far when 'liveing for Him' and start living for themselves much more.  Sure, the things they are doing are not bad...they may even look good on the outside, but if it is for personal gain (money, reputation, status, etc.) it isn't for God.  God does want us to be successful in every thing we do, but for His glory...not our own.  "For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)

Now another side to not being alone while walking in Christ is the beautiful family He has blessed us with!  5.5 years ago today we found out we were going to become parents THAT DAY!  Up to that point it looked rather bleak.  So the simple fact that we are parents to four beautiful precious children is something that is a reminder of Gods love for us!  We should not take a minute with our children for granted because they, in fact, are not ours...but Gods children! 

Friends, if you are fortunate enough to have A friend you can run to for encouragent and to lean on...or that you can uplift or encourage yourself you are blessed! 

What I am saying is that even when it seems you are in a valley, you are not alone...if you look around you God is there!  And I am blessed enough to have a godly husband to walk through this life as well!  Many times it seems that it is just the three of us..God, Handsome, and myself...but why could that not be enough?  God alone should be enough...

Again...just my thoughts...for me. 

Back to reality...

I have to say how incredibly thankful I am for the opportunity to experience being pregnant.  From the minute I saw the positive on August 1st 2010 until she was born on March 19th 2011 I had the opportunity to experience what reality was like.  God gave me the biggest blessing He could ever have given...he gave me the opportunity to feel 'normal'!  And then again, when I started producing milk and until I finished pumping on January 4th 2012...normal!  It was a ton of work to keep milk flowing and we had a few bumps in the road but with time, research, and hard work the only thing my babies are still drinking is my milk.  Cupcake will be 11 months next week and Love Bug 6 months!  I was given the opportunity to produce milk for both of my babies...Cupcake will have enough to make it to a year and Love Bug will make it at least to 7 months..maybe a little longer. 

Why is this a big deal, I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and had 4 miscarriages early in our marriage to get to the point of pre-menopause.  I know that is A LOT of information that some of you may wish they didn't know, but this one I'm throwing it all out there.  Women with PCOS often struggle with their weight, they cannot loose for ANYTHING in them.  Women with PCOS often struggle getting pregnant, and if they do get pregnant it is a fight from day one to keep that precious little once tucked so nice and cozy inside.  IF you are one of the bless women with PCOS that made it through all of those hoops and actually have a healthy baby you will most likely struggle with milk production.  I know women with PCOS who had not even one drop of milk come in to feed their baby.  Baby may be latching and sucking like a pro and NOTHING is coming....

So for 17 months I was able to feel like a 'normal' person...to temporarily forget occasionally that I have something that can become very serious if not kept in check.  While the pregnancy was not an easy one, and PCOS did play a role in how we proceeded with caution, I was still pregnant and that was a victory every single day I woke up bigger and bigger and HUGE!  But while I was pumping milk and freezing milk I also could feel normal...like PCOS had not gotten a complete victory over me.

Enter January 4th, 2012.  My last day to pump any milk for my girls...I had been clinging to pumping since September 19th.  Handsome and I agreed back in August that I would pump until Cupcake was 6 months old, but then something amazing happened.  Love Bug quickly entered into our lives and I knew she needed to get to 6 months also on breastmilk also.  November/December were difficult on us though.  The ugly PCOS monster was really starting to rear its nasty head for this Mama.  I was not happy, I was not well, I was not friendly, I was not kind.  I was not alive...and it was because I have PCOS.  All the time I was trying to eat right for the babies and eat what was needed to make sure my milk was good for the girls it was slowly doing me harm. I thought it was slow, but Handsome will report that it was a sudden attack.  One minute everything was good, the next minute PCOS had left only a disaster behind.  It was sometime in mid-December that after praying and crying out to God I decided it would be healthier for all of my children and my relationships and my marriage if Mama came back and started kicking PCOS out again.  So after a few calculations I knew with my milk I could get Love Bug to 6 months and Cupcake to a year on my milk...and then a very generous Patch Parent offering to give me some of her extra milk to keep Love Bug on breakmilk even longer....it was time.  Time to go back on my healthy for ME diet.  Now, I am getting all food groups and I am getting enough nutrients...but they are the right ones for a person with PCOS.  My girls are still drinking my milk and I am not the monster I had become! 

Did PCOS reclaim its place in my ability (or lack thereof) to become and stay pregnant?  Only time will tell.  But I can promise this one thing, PCOS is not taking my life.  PCOS is not going to take my precious moments of happiness away from my time with Handsome and my children!  I am going to win this victory once again! 

Cupcake!

SO, my beautiful little 10 month old Cupcake decided to melt her Mama's heart tonight and say MAMA!  Clear as a bell and more than once! 

This is after mastering her fun little praying/clapping/army/inch worm crawl over the past week or so! 

Oh, how does one decide to stop having babies in the house?!?!?  How precious is this little one?  Keep on melting Mama's heart baby!

Adoption/Birthday Party!

So my Cupcake is turning one and we are going to finally get to finalize Love Bug's adoption!  Cupcake doesn't turn one until March 19th, but Bug's adoption finalization is on March 9th so we are going to celebrate both in one big party!  I have been having a difficult time trying to figure out how to combine the parties and yet include something special for both of them!  On the way home from our wearhouse shopping trip last night Handsome and I finally got a moment to chat!  I was telling him how I didn't like how the Cupcakes and Ladybug themes were not meshing as well as I would have liked them too and how I love this song called "Blessings" by Laura Story and how it would be fun to turn part of that song into the inspiration for the party.  On both accounts (Cupcake and Love Bug) we spent much time in tearful prayer begging God to grow our family because we knew it was a desire He placed in our hearts!  And Handsome (who is such an amazing man) said we should do a garden theme because there is a quote "What if Your blessings come through raindrops, what if Your healing comes through tears."  He said that would work for a garden theme because of the tear drops from our prayers falling and watering the seed He placed in our hearts for a family.  That has grown into why we are celebrating; celebrating two little precious lives that are forever in our family!  SOOOOO, we are going to do a garden themed party in pale pink, white, green and we will use red and black lady bugs for accents! 

I am really excited about it, finally, something that is okay in my mind to fuse two parties into one!  Love bug will have her own cake that my wonderful Pastor's wife will make and Cupcake will have, wait for it, CUPCAKES!  I am not sure if I am going to try and make them myself or if I am going to have someone else do it...but either way, there will be cupcakes!  But the fact that we can use a song that is very meaningful to me is huge too!  Thank you to everyone that gave input while I was trying to find the 'perfect' party idea!  It will be fun to start putting it together now!  I will leave you with the lyrics to Laura Story's "Blessings" :

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

7 Years

(This ultrasound picture is of our Cupcake, as I never got the opportunity to see our first four)

I remember thinking on Handsome and my 7th anniversary that it just was not possible that we had been married that long.  What had I ever done for 7 years of my life???  The only thing I could come up with was play the clarinet!  Well now today I look at the 7 year 'anniversary' of our third baby going to heaven and I think to myself, 'it seems like an eternity ago!'  Someone commented on a populare social networking site today after I had posted of what the day was, they were glad that we celebrate the day and the life we had for such a short time!  I had not really ever thought of celebrating before...I almost always am sad or quiet on our 'remembering' dates of our 4 precious babies in heaven!  But truly, a celebration is what it should be!  Life starts at conception and none of us really know the number of days we will live on this earth...God does not guarantee us 90 happy, healthy years....He doesn't even say that 'once you become pregnant you WILL have a baby in 40 weeks.'  That is not God's promise.  From this day forward I will try to celebrate the life that God blessed us with in each of our first four pregnancies.  They are children created in God's image just like Princess, Sunshine, Cupcake and Love Bug.  They are children that God blessed my husband with as he did with the P, S, C and LB!  They are NOT children that must be grieved for 70 years, they must be celebrated.  I have realized last year that having our first four children in heaven was, indeed, God's plan for our life...and that is ok.  I also realized, with that, that had our first four children not left us so early in their little lives that we most likely would not have the children we do now.  If we were able to get pregnant the first time around, give birth to a happy healthy baby, and go on our merry way I am not so sure we would have been as apt to walk the adoptive path.  THAT IS NOT SAYING that we think it is less of a path to walk, just saying that most couples that go about expanding their family the 'normal' way are a lot less likely to think of adoption.  HOWEVER, I have found myself thankful for our path...I do have 4 babies in heaven and because I know Jesus as my Saviour I will hold my babies in heaven on day.  This I am sure of.  Eternity is much longer than my short little 85ish years here...but I also now know that becaue of the start of our family having the ending it did, we now have four beautiful (and hopefully more) children that we can teach about Christ and hopefully one day they will accept him also and then for spend eternity as one big happy family! 

Now I know I rambled and the flow of this post just isn't there (when do my post ever really flow?) but today I choose to try and celebrate the life God had blessed us with for the short weeks that this little one made this Mama feel so yucky.  But that yuckiness always meant there was someone there...and I would take it 10 time over to know that God is blessing us with more precious littles!

January 3rd

January 3rd, 2002

It was a very chilly morning in SouthWest Minnesota.  Handsome and I had spent the night at his parents home ~in seperate rooms~ and we were getting up fairly early to hit the road.  He was taking me back to Chicago for college and then continuing on to North Carolina, where he lived at the time.  We had already said good-bye to my family and so we were loading up his green Bonneville and then ate breakfast with his parents and got in the car.  As we pulled out of the driveway we turned left, not right like we were supposed to.  He said he wanted to say good-bye to our 'special spot' which is a beautiful bridge over a stream in the midst of a curvy gravel road.  The summer before we had sat there for hours talking about this and that and I do believe this is the place where we finally confessed our love towards eachother...though we already knew it was there!

As we get there he put the car in park and gave me a hand written note, it was lovely.  The way it ended was something about the picture God had painted for his (Handsome's) life and asked me if I would help to complete that picture and become his wife!  When I looked up he had the ring box open (it had its own light in it!) and of course I said YES! 

This explained why his mom was crying so much when we left, because though we were a mile away from their house we did not return, we drove all the way to Chicago from Minnesota and I wasn't allowed to tell anyone until I returned to college...sneaky guy!  Of course both our parents already knew it was going to happen because in the gentleman like way that he has always been he asked my Dad's permission to marry me. 

But how exciting it is to think that on January 3rd. 2012 I was promised and committed to my husband for 10 years!  We had an interesting relationship, maybe even weird by today's standards, in that once we started dating we really only saw eachother face to face 5 times before we dates, maybe six.  We also never kissed until we said 'I Do' on our wedding day!  Most of our dating relationship was over the phone while I was at college and he lived in the South.  We got to know eachother very well that way.

I pray often that God keeps my children's future spouses pure in the way he kept us pure.  What an amazing gift to be able to give to the person you just married and will spend the rest of your life with...but on the other side, think of all the baggage that each relationship brings into your life.  I was once told that as you give pieces of your heart to people you never get them back.  There are 'holes' in my heart where, unfortunately, I gave those pieces to two other guys.  And it was those holes that caused the most trouble between my handsome and I in the early years of marriage.  Now, of course, I don't give them second thoughts if I hear their names or see pictures of them....but I do believe that those pieces are gone forever, because if you truly love how do you intend to take it back?  If you can take love back it wasn't really love to begin with! 

January 3rd, 2002~ The day that I knew God had brought the man of my dreams into my life forever and for always!  Or as one of our favorite artists says, "Forever and Ever, Amen!"  I am still unsure why God thought I was so deserving to receive such an amazing, godly, man....but I am sure thankful EVERY single day that He saw fit to bring Handsome and myself together!  Here is to 10 more amazing years!

Sunshine

 Our Sunshine turned 5 on December 27th, it is crazy to believe that the child I always think of as my baby is already 5.  It has been so easy to keep him my baby because of his extra needs, but the truth of the matter is he really is no longer a baby!

 That came full circle on December 30th when we officially confirmed that he is autistic.  Not a word I like to use around him, but not a word we are afraid of either.  We have wondered for some time if that was the case, and really, we wouldn't have needed a doctor to tell us this...but there really is nothing more we can do for him than we already are.  Sure, we can always improve on things....but schedule schedule schedule is very important to him, always has been!  Also his gluten free diet is a big thing to.  But yet, I do not consider myself to be a parent to a special needs child.  He is not terribly high on the spectrum, but he is high enough that as we have slowly told friends and family they were not shocked to hear the news. 

 In other news, he is in love with beyblades.  Sort of a modern day top, if you will.  He REALLY like potatos of any form and likes that more and more foods are coming out gluten free!  He takes every chance he can get to do fun things with Daddy or snuggle with Mommy.  He is also such a sweet, loving big brother to his baby sisters!  He is small for his age, only weighing in around 36 lbs and wearing sz 4 clothing (shirt are too big for him!)  We have been working on hitting this 40 lb mark for a couple of years now....but in his time!  The child eats like a horse but he doesn't EVER stop moving either.  He will sit still if you give him something to keep his hands busy.  Some of my favorites about him right now are his tender heart towards the feelings of others, his sweet snuggles, his beautiful blue eyes and last but NOT least, HIS GIGGLES!  What a precious addition to our family....he really is a ray of Sunshine!

Some happenings....

 First with Miss Cupcake...she will be 10 months on Thursday and has no teeth!  She finally decided that scooting might be a good way to get things as of last night.  It was a very sad and pathetic attempt and scooting 18 inches to get her bottle, but she did accomplish about 10 of the inches by way of scooting and then decided it was easier to turn and roll!  She is such a stinker sometimes!  Though almost always a very good natured baby!  She has moved up to size 6 month or 6-9 month clothes (mostly because baby sister pushed her out of the 3 month ones!) and just moved into size 3 diapers. What an adorable blessing she is to our family!

(The first picture was from early December, she went through a phase where her mouth was almost always open and yet made hardly any sound!  The second picture was from our trip to the middle of our state to meet with our case worker for our monthly home study and she needed a bath, so she decided just to chill out in the hotel sink for a while!)

 And now for Miss Love Bug!  She will be 5 months one week from today.  Hard to believe my baby is getting so old for how tiny she still is.  As of today she has started solid foods...she started with squash and seems to like to very well.  She attacks the spoon as it comes toward her mouth, which makes me think I should have started sooner.  Either way, she is enjoying it!  There are still some Newborn sized outfits she is wearing but she has mostly moved up to the 3 month or 0-3 month sizes.  She is still rocking size 1 diapers though (they pretty much go up to her arm pits, but Newborn diapers just do not hold enough!)  She is starting to grasp at things and bring toys to her mouth, she also is very quick to smile with her entire face and go back to her worried, serious look.  At times you can really get her going and she will make sweet little baby noises for you!  So thankful she is doing so well!  On 12.30.11 she was 9 lbs 11 oz, so not yet 10 lbs!  What an honor it is to be her Mommy!

(Both pictures are taken on random days in December while we were just haning out together!)

Ideal Protein after Cupcake...

So I started my Ideal Protein diet on 1.5.12 after having my baby, and pumping for 9.5 months I NEED to get back to loosing!  Of course I have several goals to meet...my first weight goal is 1 lb further than I got before Cupcake came along!  I have a LONG ways to go...I actually when I started my diet had 9 lbs to loose to get back to my lowest I was after having Emi!  If I reach that goal...49 lbs lost from 1.5.12, I would like to loose 35 more lbs after that.  For a total of 84 lbs lost!  HOWEVER, I do not intend on reaching the second goal...maybe not even the first goal because my biggest goal is to be able to have another beautiful baby!  We will see which of these goals happens and in what order!  Haaha, here we go!  I would say loosing 3.5 lbs in the first 2 days is off to a good start! 

It will bring tears, I PROMISE!

I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back, the boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'' The little boy turned to the old woman next to him, ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' She replied, ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.' I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this, 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said, 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of himself. He was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and I wish she didn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll!'' OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said, 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!' Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' 'My mommy loves white roses.' A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state of mind from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine, and in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

8 Years

8 Years ago today started like any other day, though there was a question in the back of my mind for several weeks already.  A question that was answered with bad news.  Handsome was an Associate Pastor at the time and it was a Saturday.  We went to church like many other Saturdays and were going to be there when a mission group arrived, they were also going to be presenting our church's Christmas program the next day!  That mission group had car trouble or a snow storm or something that didn't allow them to make it.  So, our little church family pulled together that Saturday afternoon/evening to bring a Christmas program for the church people the next day!  As we worked I started feeling pretty tough, but didn't want to back out of my duties so tried to write it off.  That question keep playing in my mind, "Am I pregnant?"  "Are we going to be starting our family?"  As the afternoon rolled on, the cramping got worse and worse and I actually got physically sick.  Somewhere around 8:30 that evening I excused myself and went to the bathroom...where I met our baby.  Now he or she was too small to know that I had just met our precious little bundle...but blood tests later confirmed that I had been expecting and that he or she had been promoted to Heaven.  I remember being sad to learn this news, but at the same time I remember thinking something along the lines of 'it is common for couples to experience miscarriage the first time around.'  I did greive our first, but not as much as our second, third or fourth.  I did not fully understand what road we were starting down.  Since I was about 14 I was told I would not have children.  But this time around there was comfort in the fact that we were indeed able to become pregnant...

Well, at that point I was 20 years old.  That also began a rough battle with finding God's path for our family growth.  Little did I know that just 3 years later we would become parents to our Princess whom was carrying and born from another lady...not me. 

Amazing enough, God did allow us to become pregnant a second, third, fourth, and fifth time.  As you know the last pregnancy was the only baby we have been able to meet on this side of Heaven!  However!  We have hope!  Both Handsome and myself have accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Saviour, we know that one day when our life on earth is over that we will spend eternity in Heaven...where we will meet our first four children!

Time can heal many things, though I do not believe that time can heal a mother's greiving heart.  Sure, time will allow the pain of the loss of a child to be less of a sting...but the only real cure for the greif of a lost child is the Love of Christ!

At this time of year it is easy for many to put on their Christian caps and walk around proclaiming what God has done for us.  But it is this time of year that we celebrate the LIFE of Christ, He was born as a baby.  Many forget about the fact that he also died for our sins, and rose again! 

I have gotten to the point that I am thankful that God brought us through the difficult path.  My living children do not take the place of my children that have passed, but without the miscarriages I am fairly certain that I would not have Princess, Sunshine, Cupcake or Love Bug! 

I do wonder what it would be like had this pregnancy that ended so early 8 years ago been successful...what different dynamic it would have brought to our life.  But it was not God's plan at the time.  I look forward to knowing that one day I will spend eternity with my precious babies.

Makes you think!

A farmer and a teacher, a hooker and a preacher

Ridin' on a midnight bus bound for Mexico

One was headin' for vacation, one for higher education

And two of them were searchin' for lost souls

That driver never saw the stop sign

And 18 wheelers can't stop on a dime

There were three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway

Why there's not four of them Heaven only knows

I guess it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you

It's what you leave behind you when you go

That farmer left a harvest, a home and 80 acres

The faith and love for growin' things in his young sons heart

And that teacher left her wisdom in the minds of lots of children

Did her best to give 'em all a better start

And that preacher whispered, "Can you see the promised land?"

As he lay his blood stained Bible in that hookers hand

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway

Why there's not four of them Heaven only knows

I guess it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you

It's what you leave behind you when you go

That's the story that our Preacher told last Sunday

As he held that blood stained Bible up for all of us to see

He said, "Bless the farmer and the teacher and the preacher

who gave this Bible to my momma who read it to me."

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway

Why there's not four of them now I guess we know

It's not what you take when you leave this world behind you

It's what you leave behind you when you go.

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway

 
 
So, my husband and I really enjoy Randy Travis songs...especially "Forever and Ever Amen".  We were fortunate enough to go to one of his concerts when he was in town a few years ago and what a blessing it was!  One of my favorite date nights with Handsome!  This morning when I was in the shower, "Three Wooden Crosses" came on my iPod and as I was singing the words really stabbed me in the heart!  How often do we over look the "least of these" in this world?  That pastors heart was in the right place as he lay there in his last few moments he was still thinking about eternity and making sure others knew about Jesus!  Think of how many people his last few moments impacted simply because he cared enough for that lady that many others probably snubbed because of her 'job!'  But he has enough compassion in his heart to share Jesus with her, she went on to teach her son about Christ -who then became a Preacher who's word was heart by many! 

I know that I cam guilty of looking past some people at times because I am too busy or because I am wrapped up in my own life...but I pray that I can change that around here.  It will take steps because, lets face it...I am kind of busy right now...but that doesn't mean I cannot share my Jesus with others when given the chance! 

This song, silly as it may seem, literally brought tears to my eyes this morning and made me think of how much I appreciate our Pastor who does not over look others...he has a heart for everyone and wants everyone to hear about Jesus!  Thank you to him and his wife for sharing their lives and hearts with our little town! 

"And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ "

Matthew 25:40 ESV

Sunshine

So when getting Sunshine dressed today a pair of pants he has had on recently seemed a little short to me, so we measured him on the wall where we 'keep track' of our kids' growth only to find out that he has grown almost an inch since October 7th!  That explains why the child is eating like a horse!  But before I told him how big he was getting he told me how he knew he was getting bigger, 'and you know why Mommy?' as he lifts his pant leg and says, 'because look how much hair I have on my legs!'  Haaahaa, that cracks me up!  I asked him if that means he is getting big and he said yes...and then I asked him who said that hair on your legs meant you were getting big...'Um, I don't know, I just figured that is what it meant!'

Life stays interesting with the four kids God has blessed us with, that is for sure!

One Year Ago Today....

Last Year on November 17th, we had a VERY exciting day! 

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The above crazy lady was doing dances in my belly...as we watched her on the big screen while we discover she was a SHE!  I still remember right after the ultrasound tech. said "it's a GIRL" the first thing I did was look at Princess' face to see what she thought!  She was thrilled and her eyes were all big and her smile was HUGE!  I then, of course, looked to Handsome and he was excited and then Sunshine...he had a very sad face!  What a difference a year will make!  Cupcake started off this 'special' day with a bang...we ended up having to give an early morning bath and start a load of laundry with her crib sheets, PJ's, and blankets because she had waited a few days to mess her pants!  I cannot imagine being more blessed.  Cupcake has been a wild spirit but at the same time a very easy baby!  God has blessed us richly!  I am thankful for that!

Click HERE for my post from November 17th, 2010!!!

7 Months 19 days....

7 Month 19 Days:
The amount of time that passed from when Mama found out she was pregnant with you until the time she was able to hold you in her arms...August 1st was a Sunday and I took the test that morning as we were rushing around getting ready for church.  I used the 'guest' room rather than the master because Daddy was taking a shower and I remember running up to him with the test in hand and just showing him because I had no words...nothing, I had no idea what to say!  I was excited and shocked.  You see Mama had been told by several doctors that I was no longer able to have children because I was no longer ovulating....so how could I be pregnant.  It was one of the plain tests that just used lines.  So we decided that after church I would run pick up a digital one...in less than 30 seconds that one showed the beautiful word "Pregnant"!  But my excitement soon turned to fear....what if this little one joins her 4 siblings in heaven?  What if this ends in another miscarriage and another one of my babies I have to wait to meet until after my life on earth is over?  Praise the Lord that wasn't the case! 

Today is November 6th, you are now officially 7 months and 19 days old.  While I know you exsisted inside of me for several weeks before I knew you were there....it is something to me that you have been in my arms as long as I knew you were inside of me!  There are times I wish I could feel your kick just one more time....but most of the time I am so excited that you are here and not inside any more!  You see my saying all throughout my pregnancy was, "I am just ready to meet her, I know how to care for and love a baby once they are born...but this pregnancy stuff I am unfamiliar with!" 

I know the 7 months and 19 days has gone my much quicker since you have been more than the time before! 

Thank you Lord, for sending us our healthy and precious Cupcake!

Baby Smiles and Loose Teeth

Love Bug just smiled at ME!  She has already smiled at Handsome (lots) and at Princess (lots) but she had not smiled at Mama yet....but she did!  That makes me happy!  Thanks Bug!

Princess and Sunshine went to the 'tooth doctor' today and when they arrived home The Princess ran in the door and said very exitedly, "Mama, my teeth are started to get loosed!"  I asked if she could repeat and this time she said the very same thing while pointing and one of her large front teeth on top and said after, "it is a little wiggly, that means it is going to come out soon!"  I officially have to embrace the fact that while I do have two babies....Princess and Sunshine are no longer even close to being babies.  I have reached a new level of parenthood, actually I am pretty sure it happened a while ago; I just have tried very hard not to notice! 

6 weeks and Newborn Diapers!

Today our little one is 6 weeks old, I do not know how time flies so quickly!  She is much more alert than she was even a week ago and the withdrawals are starting to get better!  She even sleeps through the night sometimes!  She is starting to make little 'chatty' sounds once in a while and as of today....we have outgrown the Preemie sized diapers and have officially moved into the Newborn sized diapers! 

Last Friday she was 7 lbs 2 oz....keep growing little Love Bug!

1,116 Days

 That is the number of days from the time we knew God was calling us to grow our family through adoption for a third time until our little Love Bug was born! 

 Or 3 years, 3 weeks, and 1 day!  It is amazing to me to hear God's call and see Him work it out according to His plan and His time! 

5 years and 5 days ago Handsome and I still had an empty house and were crying out to God to grow our family by adding a baby.  A real, living child.  Our Princess is 5 years and 4 days old, we had no idea she was coming until the day before she was born!  Three months later the phone rings and our social worker wanted me at the hospital in 15 minutes to bring a baby home...that baby was our son, Sunshine!  His adoption finalized on August 1st, 2008 and since August 2nd of that year we knew God wanted us to adopt at least one more time!  There were many times it didn't seem possible, finanacially to undergo adoption again.  But God had a plan, obviously!  Last summer after a terrible situation with infant twin foster girls we knew it was time to start the adoption process and that God would lead us through.  So we started, a month and a half later for some UNKNOWN reason I had the urge to buy a pregnancy test and it was positive...me, the one who wasn't suppose to ever ovulate again!  We figured that the pregnancy would not be maintainable and our 5th precious angel would be going to Jesus' safe arms before we could meet him/her.  We were wrong, our Cupcake would not go to be with her 4 sibilings in heaven, she would join our family via C-section on March 19th of this year.  An now, our Love Bug was born on August 23rd...5 months and 4 days behind our Cupcake!  As you can see in the above picture this Mama couldn't be happier! 

Handsome and I were talking today, while life isn't full of tons of fun at the moment...it is a lot of rather hard work...it is a life we would not trade for anything!  Princess is 5 years and 4 days....Sunshine is 4 days short of 3 months from turning 5.  Cupcake is 28 weeks old and Love Bug is almost 6 weeks old already!  God had a plan for us and even though we couldn't imagine adding to our family RIGHT.NOW, we do pray that God is not finished with our family.  We would love to be blessed with another miracle as we both feel our family is not yet complete.  God may have different plans, but for now I am enjoying the late nights (like tonight when Love Bug wants to smile and have eye contact with Mama) and all the diapers, meals, hours on the breast pump to provide all the milk for both babies, and everything that goes along with being a Mama to 2 preschoolers and 2 babies.  I couldn't do it without my amazing Handsome, and with God's strength and guidance.  His plan is amazing!  You may say we are insane, but in reality we are just doing what we feel God lead us to do.  We are blessed and forever thankful!

Praise the Lord!

Sincerely ~ Our Crew,

Handsome, Mama, Princess, Sunshine, Cupcake & Love Bug

Out of the Mouths of Babes!

So we have been talking with Princess and Sunshine about salvation and what it means to be saved.  We have been reading verses like the Romans road and answering many MANY questions they have about asking Jesus into your heart and the difference between heaven and hell.  Their minds are constantly amazing me in how much they are soaking up these days! 

Well after the normal round of "Jesus Loves Me" while Princess, Sunshine and the other Pumpkins were waiting for me to finish getting their plates loaded up at lunch today my two started talking about heaven and hell.  Princess all of a sudden says, "when I am in hell Jesus will save me if I ask him into my heart."  It was yet another opportunity to explain that if we find ourselves in hell it is too late to ask Jesus to save us.  She asked me if I was going to go to heaven or hell when I died and I proudly told her that because I trust Jesus Christ as my personal Savior that I know there is a home for me in heaven when I die, and that is very exciting!

After a few more minutes my son says, "Mommy, do you think it would be okay if I talk to Daddy more about this at bedtime tonight because I have so many questions and he knows a lot about the Bible without even having to look it up; sometimes Mommy when I ask you, you have to get your Bible and read it before you answer me!"  It is true, Handsome and I are a good team that way!  Except it isn't that I have to look up the verses, it is the references.  But the secret is that I remember the verses and Handsome remembers the references! 

Anyway, it just makes my heart smile to know that they are starting to ask many MANY questions about salvation and we pray that one day in the future our children will ask Jesus into their hearts! 

I am VERY thankful for such a godly husband that does such a good job explaining these very important things to my children!