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I have been throwing around in my head over the last 48 hours what today's post would hold...at one point I even considered not posting today, but that just wouldn't be right. So many things have changed since that day...while she has been a spunky little one since the very beginning one could never know just who she would become. As best as you can tell in her 3 1/2 years of life it seems she is going to be a natural Mommy, she is caring and sweet to the little ones. She is going to be like me in some ways, not let any one push her around and stand her ground when she believes in something (not a bad trait to have.) But the Mothering is what catches my eyes and is on my mind much of the time right now...she is smart, and she pays attention to every little detail of interaction between people. She is tender. If you watch her for even a little while she will be around any baby in the room and if there isn't a real baby to be talking to and making sure they are well cared for she is finding something to be her baby. I have seen stuffed rabbits, to rubber ducks, to her dolls and ever her brother once in a while that are her 'babies.' Just last week she told me that when she is 4 she will get her ears pierced, when she is sixteen she will get more (I have my ears pierced 3 times in one ear and twice in the other), when she is 19 she will find her husband and she will have a white and purple wedding, then they will have 7 kids...some will grow in her tummy and some will grow in her heart, just like she did in mine! What three year old plans her life like that, and those that do, how many of them have such thought into it! Her care amazes me, there is a girl at church that can often be seen by herself and while our church is meeting in a school and we do not allow our children to run around and play (they must stay by us or by one of the few other 'okay' adults) she always asks me if I think so and so is okay. The other day her and BooBear were watching a video, about 45 minutes of it anyway, and the entire time she stood holding this stuffed rabbit bouncing with it and saying the Mommy "shhhhhshhhhhshhh" while patting it's bottom and occassionally throwing in a "it's gonna be alright, Babe!" I only wish she was as careing and thoughtful with EVERYTHING in life, but hey...she is only 3 1/2 and she is already boy crazy!
Anyway, I say all that to bring us to this: About a year ago she began asking if she would have any more brothers or a sister and so my Handsome and I decided to choose a boy name and a girl name and then we could pray each day for the children by name and so our Princess and BooBear could see Gods hand in answering those prayers one day. So on Valentines day we agreed on two names boy (O.O.H) and girl (E.D.H) and we have been praying for them since. They are talked about as if they are real people that exsist somewhere in the world (maybe the do already?) and we already have a pair of green Johnny Deere boots for O and an adorable Gym.boree polk-a-dotted raincoat with matching sunglasses for E. I also carry in my purse a baggie with one of BooBears baby socks and one of the Princess' baby socks to remind myself to pray for O & E to come home one day! Anyway, when chatting with Princess yesterday about how today was such a special day I asked her what could make it more special and she responded with "if E & O could come home!" How tender, while I was fulling expecting to hear about the Princess & the Frog purse at the store or her purple bike with a seat for baby George (one of her dolls) she came out with real, tender, raw emotion.
I do not see the likeliness of bringing E or O home today, stranger things have happened...but I do know one thing. I thank God for putting this wonderful, precious, lovely, little lady into our lives. She is full of life and reminds me often of myself...but I cannot even remember what life was like without her...of course we have the same feelings for BooBear, but his post doesn't come until August 1st! I just know that God blessed us the day that she entered our lives. I know that she is going to keep us on her toes and if the prayers of a 3 year old get heard and answered the likliness of E & O coming home are very probable...but maybe I should ask her to start praying for a way to 'find the money' for E or O's adoptions!
I found this poem on the internet today and read it through tears....all I found for an Author was "Estelle" which ironically is in the running if we end up having more than one more little girl! (This particular E doesn't stand for Estelle...) But this poem really reaches down into my heart in how I feel about not only Princess, but BooBear...and I am sure any other children God chooses to bless us with!
Mother to Child
Conceived in my heart I earnestly prayed,
But never imagined you'd come so arrayed.
Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone,
Not under my heart, but oh, so deep in it sown.
I knew from the start since the moment we met,
When my eyes gazed upon you, destiny was set,
To enter but a short journey as mother and child,
With joy and sorrows, memories to be compiled,
A mosaic of beauty with many colors entwined,
The fabric so strong, with my Savior combined.
I love you sweet child, and in time you will see,
You're much more than chosen, but precious to me,
For God planted this yearning in me long ago,
To bring Him forth fruit, that together we grow!
The years of prayer and tears shed before Princess joined our family were many! And while I am not perfect mother and the 3 1/2 years of her life have not been full of only joy...I know she was sent by God as an answer to prayers that had been prayed for so long! I know many a person who have prayed and wept and wondered if children would ever be a part of their lives...I read many blogs that are still praying and wondering, and I know that it really is a blessing to have the children that I do.
Princess: Your Mommy and Daddy love you so much and know that you are our perfect first born that God chose to be in our family. Each day that you wake up and stumble from your bed searching for my lap to snuggle...but not too long...is a memory I cherish. I love that you get things, I love that you love. Your love for life in general is what makes me want to get up each morning and make each day special for you. You will never know how perfect you are for our family and how much we love you completely...but one thing is for sure...we are thankful for you and the fact that with you God our family grew! Lots of love to you today Princess!
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