3 years ago yesterday...

March 9th 2012, our love bug was just 6 months old...and we were able to go to court and legally adopt her.  There was never any question that we would be able to do that, but it is always a wonderful feeling to be able to not have to carry those papers around when traveling, when doctoring, or whatever proving you have the right to make decisions for this child that doesn't have your last name!!

 

Fast forward to yesterday...our precious LoveBug is growing and amazing.  She has some physical difficulties but her determination to accomplish life far overcomes them.  She has figured out a way where there didn't seem to be one!  So proud of her. 

 

I was raised in a home where special days are a big deal...you celebrate....period.  Well we have triple the number of children in our family than in my home where I grew up...and most of those children have more than one special day....SO, we do not celebrate as big as I would like for each occasion...but yesterday after work and supper we celebrated with ice cream, the traditional 'Happy Adoption Day' way to celebrate in our home.  Every year on March 9, March 30 and August 1 you can find us out for ice cream at some point in the day.  This is how we celebrate. 

 

Our LoveBug was having a good afternoon, so it was very fun to be able to celebrate her yesterday.  She talked (she isn't always able to) and carried on in her silly ways.  She brings so much joy and laughter into our home and heart.

 

This little girl, our Love Bug.  We did not know what we were saying 'yes' to when we received the phone call about a little baby girl who needed an adoptive home.  This little baby girl whom we knew was being born addicted to cocaine.  We had no idea what her life was going to look like or what our role as parents would fully be for her.  While there have been trials, there have been struggles (and there are many more to come)...she can make me smile on the darkest of days.  She can make you laugh when you want to cry.  She has a silly way about her and she enjoys having people laugh.  Sometimes I wonder if other peoples laughter is her medicine that helps take her pain away. 

 

I am so thankful to God that He chose us to be her forever family.  He decided we were who she needed for life.  I am so thankful for the opportunity to parent her.

 

Happy Adoption Day Love Bug!!

 

 

As far as the East is from the West....

Last night my Princess was so excited to share with Handsome and myself after family Bible time that she was able to find the Bible verse of the day (from her Bible class) and read it for the very first time ALL BY HERSELF.  She didn't need Mama to show her that rather than chapter 14 verse 8 she needed to be in chapter 12 verse 8....or whatever it is that Mama has needed to help her with this year.  She was usually very close to the right place, but just off a few chapters.  Well she asked if she could read her verse to us.  She proudly went and retreived her Bible from her room, and in just a matter of seconds had found the verse again and began to read:

Psalm 103:12
"As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us."

Well that verse opens up an area for conversation...how did it happen that He removed our transgressions from us?  The death of Jesus on the cross takes away our sins if only we put our trust in Him our sins can be made white as snow!  PRECIOUS SALVATION!  

Though I didn't have much of a moment to dwell on this with her last night because I had a lap full of littles....my Handsome was able to talk in pretty great detail about it...but my heart was swelling with excitement and pride for this 8 year old Princess!  Even more exciting for me was the fact that SHE, too, WAS EXCITED about finding this verse and reading it all by herself!  Now she has been able to read her Bible (mostly) for almost 2 years....but she FOUND THE VERSE!!!

As with all things, immediately the Casting Crowns song came to mind.  And of course, after the kids were all dressed for bed I played it for them:

East to West by Casting Crowns

Here I am Lord and I'm drowning
In Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest

I don't want to end up
Where You found me
And it echoes in my mindKeeps me awake tonight

I know You've cast my sin as far as
The east is from the west
And I stand before You now
As though I've never sinned

But today I feel like
I'm just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far
The east is from the west?
'Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
You know just how far
The east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like
I'm just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far
The east is from the west?
'Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'Cause You know just how far
The east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I know You've washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel
But by the truth Your word reveals
And I'm not holding onto You
But You're holding onto me, You're holding onto me

Jesus, You know just how far
The east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'Cause You know just how far
The east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

Just how far
The east is from the west
Just how far
From one scarred hand to the other

You know just how far
The east is from the west
Just how far
From one scarred hand to the other

Sure gives you something to chew on.  The stanza that reads 'I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin and time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in.  Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way.'  This really hits home for me.  Being an adoptive mother of a mentally disabled son (behavioral disorders) brings a storm each and every day....trying to watch him constantly, not allowing him free moments also means that Handsome and myself do not have free moments.  And this is just one of our 6 kids....plus we both have jobs.  Every day feels like a storm, every day feels like the same mistake, and every day I have to purposefully make the decision to remember God loves me still.  He has taken my transgressions and made them as far as the East is from the West...He doesn't hold them against me...He doesn't bring them up again and again.  He just gives me a fresh start with each new day.  In fact with my own personal devotions this morning the author (Beth Moore) wrote that God never misses a single tear, He sees our suffering and know the depth of our needs.  He waits for us to cry out to Him, and when we do we know the One and Only who redeems us.  Every moment of every day...He waits for us to pour out our tears if heartbreak and pain before His throne.  

Music Speaks

1. Anyone that knows me knows that music speaks to me in ways that many other things simply cannot.  It can make me angry, nostalgic, sad, heartbroken, thankful, happy and so many other things in a matter of measures!  

In my head today I have an old hymn...I believe it is there as a way to remind me of the fact that God is in control, and while I may not like much about what is happening in our life right now God is in control.

"It is well, with my soul"

1. 
   
2. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
3. When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well with my soul.
   • Refrain:
     It is well with my soul,
     It is well, it is well with my soul.
4. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
5. My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
6. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
7. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
8. And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

The truth of the matter is that whatever it is that we struggle with, we need to cast it all on Him...our sin is already covered on the Cross.  We need to confess with our mouth and believe in our heart and live our days to bring Honor and Glory to our Lord, Jesus Christ.  Man will fail you every.single.time!  With God things will work according to His will in His time...and it isn't Him failing us if things do not play out according to what we think should be.  

How easy is it to see 'the writing on the wall' in a situation that you already are leaning that way personally, it is definitely God...you say to yourself.  But then given another situation, one that God is pushing you to go against your comfortable way....we fight and wrestle Him....why?  Because we are selfish.  Because we are not completely sold out to Him.  Sure, it is easy to stand and agree with God when His ways are the ways you easily take and believe...but when He requests you to go on the path less traveled, will you?  PRAY PRAY PRAY for a hedge of protection around your decision maker....pray for wisdom and guidance and not to be full of yourself and your own ideas, but rather listen for his still small voice.  It is always there, we just need to decide to listen!