A Piece of my Heart

(Please excuse the terrible looking lady in the picture...it was suppose to be a photo shoot of the twins...but Princess really wanted to take a picture...glad she did!  It is the only picture I have with myself and the twins!)

Back in my early HS years I was a big Faith.Hill fan, she is a great singer and I admire that she and hubby Tim.McGraw are still together because we all have seen how marriage lasts in the spotlight!

Anyway, she had a song that was about breaking up with someone but the courus when something like this:
"Take it, take another little piece of my heart now baby, break it, break another little piece of my heart now honey."  And so on.

Well that song comes to mind when I think of the twins, or other foster children that have been in our home.  I once counceled a young lady about being careful who she gave her heart away to because if you truly love someone, the piece of your heart you give them can never be taken back.  I believe this to be true, and sadly before my husband I had given two pieces of my heart away that I can never get back....true love doesn't go away....it can dim with time, but it doesn't go away.

Well, that goes for other people in your life as well.  The foster children in our home each get our heart as well, I will admit that because of the age of the child, their willingness to be part of the family, the length of time they are with us, and so on the amount of our heart each one has captured can vary greatly.  But these twins melted us from the beginning!  They were so little, so sick, so needy and they took me away.  It hurts to have them out of our life.  They have another little piece of my heart that will be with them always!  We love and miss you Cupcake and EskiMo! 

Fundraiser

Please, I know that we recently went through a very difficult process with fostering the twins and having them removed from our home only to be placed in another foster home.  The heart ache was tremendous, but by the same time it opened up our hearts and our eyes again to the God given desire that is in our hearts.  Handsome and I believe God has impressed upon our hearts to adopt yet again, but the only trouble is that with us still paying our first two adoption loans off we are unable to do it without the help of family and friends.  We are not asking you specifically to give financially (though if you want to you are more than welcome to!)  But we are asking you, our family and friends to consider doing a fundraiser on our behalf. 

Some of you have seen the heart ache that our children go through when they attach to a child in foster care and then they are removed from our home.  We start foster care for the purpose of adopting and when it was just Handsome and myself that was a real possibility, but now with two 3 1/2 year old children whos hearts and emotions are being brought into the picture we just cannot continue to walk that path.  I am not saying we are done fostering forever, but we will be accepting cases with great discresion. 

So please, think about what your church, your community, your office, your friends, your family might be able to do to help out a family that without your help may not be able to grow.  God is AWESOME and I know through Him all things are possible, but I also know He can use each one of you to help us! 

Some ideas would be to have a rummage sale, an ice cream social, a spaghetti supper, the sky is the limit!  We do have $200 from the fundraiser we did last Spring still sitting in savings waiting for the remaining $26800 to join in. 

If you would be willing to help us out, or have any questions please let us know!  If you are unable to help either financially or with a fundraiser, please pray!  If the twins being in our home taught us anything it is that our family is still missing someone, we are not yet complete!  Our children loved having babies in the house!

Thank you for taking time to consider and pray about helping our family on our decision to continue and persue another adoption through the agency we worked on Princess' adoption!

6.21.09

One year ago today we were 'home' celebrating my home towns Saddle Horse Holiday always celebrated over Father's Day weekend.  The kids had the privilage of throwing candy for the Opera House float and my husband drove Dad's truck for it.  The kids had a blast! 

It is fun to look back and see a 'where we were on this date XXX number of years ago!'  Our children were only 2 1/2 year old, Handsome was 25 lbs heavier, I was 50 lbs heavier (that makes a 75 lb loss between us!)  And we had no idea the pain a year from that day would hold!

6.21.10

First day of summer!

Birthday of a highschool classmate of mine (always remember June birthday b/c people born in June are just plain AWESOME!)

But also a date that I will not forget...it was the date that the foster twins were removed from our home for no reason at all but to be placed into another foster home.  It was a date I saw people from all walks of my life band together and try to fight for the girls and give them a voice.  It was a date I was scared of because I didn't know how I, my children, or my husband would react/handle the situation.  It is a date that I am impressed by the strength God gives one when having to be strong for my kiddos!  (Praise the Lord) I want to thank those of you that decided they were going to try and give Cupcake and EskiMo a voice today.  I am impressed by the number of you that took matters into your own hands and called and/or emailed the Governor of our state to try and find justice for the girls.  At this point it doesn't seem like anything happened, we may not know for a while...or ever, but know one thing!  When it comes time to be accountable for our actions, God knows that you all stepped out of yourself and did something in the best interest of two helpless little girls!  We miss them, because of what was going on I had my husband take their crib down right after he got home from work today.  I wasn't wanting to have to look at it longer than needed....it was a painful day, but a day that I truly saw how God can bring people together and give strength and comfort in a time of hurt.    Thank you again to each of you!

Check out this post....

Right here.  It is about matter of perspective! 

My Heart is Broken

♫Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace


(Chorus)
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful


Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face


(Chorus)


I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace


(Chorus)♫

"Beautiful Beautiful" by Francesca Battistelli



This song has been my favorite since the first time I heard it....and it is true. We have beautiful all around us on a regular basis. The last two and a half months have been something so beautiful, being parents to twins (even if just foster parents) and seeing the big helpers my not-so-baby little ones have become has been amazing. Aspen and Eden (as I will think of them forever) have done an amazing work in our lives and in our hearts. For some reason our desire does not match up with God's will this time...but I trust He knows what He is doing and I need to accept that. But I don't know that I can just move on, in my mind this is harder than a miscarriage. The four miscarriages we have been through were tough, but they were all at around 8 weeks and we didn't know if they were boys or girls. God allowed my body to grow them for 8 short weeks a piece and then He took them home with Him. An easy (for lack of a truly meaningful word ~ but please follow my thought here) transition. I do not have my babies, but they never suffered, never cried, never hurt, they went from the cozy warm safety of my womb to the cozier, safer, warmer, more loving arms of Jesus! That is not the case today, the twins are being uprooted from what they know, love, and count on as safety and security and moved to a foster home that is closer to DSS for their convinience. Maybe it is because they still hold a grudge against us, maybe it is because I fought to have a meeting at a time when my husband could be involved instead of when it was good for them, maybe it is because the foster home they are going to is a way more strong in the faith family and God knows that they are just what the girls need. I don't know what it is....but I do know it hurts.



And in my mind the: "even perfect days can end in rain\and though it's pouring down\I see you through the clouds\shining on my face" and the "I have come undone\but I have just begun\changing by Your Grace" really reaches out to my heart today. I need to be able to see Him through the clouds!



"Like sunlight burning at midnight making my life something so beautiful beautiful mercy reaching to save me all that I need You are so Beautiful"
 

 

 
 

THANKFUL THURSDAY

My new Lip.ton COLD BREW iced tea!  It is amazing, you can use a pitcher of cold water and in less than 5 minutes you have iced tea COLD!

I know it may seem rather trivial to be thankful for something like this....but you see with the IDP diet I am on, I can drink tea or water...so there are times when water just isn't what the body wants and if I have not planned ahead (never been too good at that, let alone having 4 kids living here and a Patch full of Pumpkins during the day) I do not have to wait long for my tea!  I am thankful for this!

Memorial Day 2010

This year for Memorial Day we made a quick trip to 'the big city' to return left over flooring from the big Memorial Weekend project!  We took out the carpet in the main living spaces of the house and put down the laminate flooring!  My husband is a rockstar and it looks AMAZING!

Anyway, we did do a little shopping here and there, but the fun part was taking the scenic route home!  Is is not great that we live so close to:

Mr. Rushmore

I had never seen the side view of George before....Mr. Washington looks great from all angles!  (I even remember looking up his nose on our honeymoon.)

Pactola Lake

Hubby decided we needed a Mama picture!

Anyway, it was a fun drive home.  We even saw Mt. Goats and Longhorn sheep just along side road.  Boo slept most of the way home, and so did the twins, but AG really enjoyed looking at everything!  What a fun family filled Memorial Day 2010!

What makes your child happy?

There is something that always brings squeals of happiness and smiles to the children!  It is when Daddy announces it is time for the suburban to have a bath!  We have a touchless carwash here in town that has a triple foam step and the kids have called it the 'Rainbow' because the foams are yellow redish and blue which also add purple and green to the mix!  Anyway, we all load up and head to the carwash and the kids are very happy to do it!  The always discuss who's side it is coming on next and if THIS time it will be the Rainbow!  My favorite part is how the rainbow wash smells...very fruity!

"It's coming!"

What a fun little thing to do as a family!

Mother's Day Pictures 2010

As some of you may or may not know, I have been doing Mother's Day pictures of the kids every year so as to have a specific time of year to reference and see how much the kids have grown!  I must say that this year I look at these pictures and I see NO BABY left in either one of them!  Last year Boo still has some chubby baby cheeks, but this year....not so much!  This Mama has shed many tears over these pictures because I cannot believe that my babies are not babies any more!