"
♫Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace
(Chorus)
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful
Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face
(Chorus)
I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace
(Chorus)♫
"Beautiful Beautiful" by Francesca Battistelli
This song has been my favorite since the first time I heard it....and it is true. We have beautiful all around us on a regular basis. The last two and a half months have been something so beautiful, being parents to twins (even if just foster parents) and seeing the big helpers my not-so-baby little ones have become has been amazing. Aspen and Eden (as I will think of them forever) have done an amazing work in our lives and in our hearts. For some reason our desire does not match up with God's will this time...but I trust He knows what He is doing and I need to accept that. But I don't know that I can just move on, in my mind this is harder than a miscarriage. The four miscarriages we have been through were tough, but they were all at around 8 weeks and we didn't know if they were boys or girls. God allowed my body to grow them for 8 short weeks a piece and then He took them home with Him. An easy (for lack of a truly meaningful word ~ but please follow my thought here) transition. I do not have my babies, but they never suffered, never cried, never hurt, they went from the cozy warm safety of my womb to the cozier, safer, warmer, more loving arms of Jesus! That is not the case today, the twins are being uprooted from what they know, love, and count on as safety and security and moved to a foster home that is closer to DSS for their convinience. Maybe it is because they still hold a grudge against us, maybe it is because I fought to have a meeting at a time when my husband could be involved instead of when it was good for them, maybe it is because the foster home they are going to is a way more strong in the faith family and God knows that they are just what the girls need. I don't know what it is....but I do know it hurts.
And in my mind the: "even perfect days can end in rain\and though it's pouring down\I see you through the clouds\shining on my face" and the "I have come undone\but I have just begun\changing by Your Grace" really reaches out to my heart today. I need to be able to see Him through the clouds!
"Like sunlight burning at midnight making my life something so beautiful beautiful mercy reaching to save me all that I need You are so Beautiful"
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1 comments :
Wow, I'm sorry you miss your two little girls, your are right, it's in God's hands, always has been.
I can not imagine losing 4 babies, I've lost two and it devestated me. I am very sorry. You are right, they are in heaven and I totally understand the way in how you expressed it. We will be with our children again one day.
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