8 Years

8 Years ago today started like any other day, though there was a question in the back of my mind for several weeks already.  A question that was answered with bad news.  Handsome was an Associate Pastor at the time and it was a Saturday.  We went to church like many other Saturdays and were going to be there when a mission group arrived, they were also going to be presenting our church's Christmas program the next day!  That mission group had car trouble or a snow storm or something that didn't allow them to make it.  So, our little church family pulled together that Saturday afternoon/evening to bring a Christmas program for the church people the next day!  As we worked I started feeling pretty tough, but didn't want to back out of my duties so tried to write it off.  That question keep playing in my mind, "Am I pregnant?"  "Are we going to be starting our family?"  As the afternoon rolled on, the cramping got worse and worse and I actually got physically sick.  Somewhere around 8:30 that evening I excused myself and went to the bathroom...where I met our baby.  Now he or she was too small to know that I had just met our precious little bundle...but blood tests later confirmed that I had been expecting and that he or she had been promoted to Heaven.  I remember being sad to learn this news, but at the same time I remember thinking something along the lines of 'it is common for couples to experience miscarriage the first time around.'  I did greive our first, but not as much as our second, third or fourth.  I did not fully understand what road we were starting down.  Since I was about 14 I was told I would not have children.  But this time around there was comfort in the fact that we were indeed able to become pregnant...

Well, at that point I was 20 years old.  That also began a rough battle with finding God's path for our family growth.  Little did I know that just 3 years later we would become parents to our Princess whom was carrying and born from another lady...not me. 

Amazing enough, God did allow us to become pregnant a second, third, fourth, and fifth time.  As you know the last pregnancy was the only baby we have been able to meet on this side of Heaven!  However!  We have hope!  Both Handsome and myself have accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Saviour, we know that one day when our life on earth is over that we will spend eternity in Heaven...where we will meet our first four children!

Time can heal many things, though I do not believe that time can heal a mother's greiving heart.  Sure, time will allow the pain of the loss of a child to be less of a sting...but the only real cure for the greif of a lost child is the Love of Christ!

At this time of year it is easy for many to put on their Christian caps and walk around proclaiming what God has done for us.  But it is this time of year that we celebrate the LIFE of Christ, He was born as a baby.  Many forget about the fact that he also died for our sins, and rose again! 

I have gotten to the point that I am thankful that God brought us through the difficult path.  My living children do not take the place of my children that have passed, but without the miscarriages I am fairly certain that I would not have Princess, Sunshine, Cupcake or Love Bug! 

I do wonder what it would be like had this pregnancy that ended so early 8 years ago been successful...what different dynamic it would have brought to our life.  But it was not God's plan at the time.  I look forward to knowing that one day I will spend eternity with my precious babies.