Thankful Thursday (finally!)

So I have thinking about the past and future alot lately.  We have lived in 6 houses (well one was a church basement..but you know) in our 8 years of marriage...have had somehere around 14 cars (no less, maybe more...but 4 were free), 6 churches, 5 pregnancies, 4 miscarriages, 2 adoptions, 16 foster children, I don't remember how many rounds of fertility treatments, several jobs, and countless times of joy, trial, laughter, tears, sleepless nights, and you could go on and on about what the last 8 1/2 years have held for Handsome and myself.

I remember being so excited to buy our first house together in 2003 (a turn key 4 bedroom (we turned into 5) with basement, main level, & upstairs...fenced in backyard...beautiful trees, garage...oh it was amazing for $35,000!  I remember that all 4 of our precious angel babies were in that house...I remember feeling so sad when we sold that house in 2006 because it held so many good memories!  I couldn't imagine selling that beautiful house...but we did, and we sold it for $65,000! 

I remember being so excited to build our next house.  Making plans for a babies room (we were thick in adoption right then) and where we would put our Christmas Tree and things of that sort.  But it came down to it we sold the house so we could afford to raise our two babies! 

I remember being so sad that I had to bring my two babies home to a church basement...we didn't even have a real home at that time.  I remember being grossed out when they learned to crawl there, learned to 'sort of' go up stairs there...and being so dissappointed in myself that I was late for church most of the time...AND I LIVED THERE!

I remember being so thrilled to move into the parsonage because of the space...and it being clean....and allowing the kids to have bedrooms...and having a real kitchen with a real dinning room...and our OWN bathroom!  Our kids learned how to really go up stairs here, and walk here, and we went through most of Boo's medical trials here, and we were excited the day we started fertility treatments here...we housed so many wonderful people and memories here.  We had a beautiful rose garden and fun windows and a 'daycare room' and our Meshach and Nema had 2 different sets of puppies here.  But at the same time this place really separated our family.  Handsome was so busy with his electrical job and with the pastorate that it didn't leave much time for family.  I went through some really tough times with the PCOS and if effected my normally bubbly nature and I was drained from having to young ones, one of them being VERY sick. 

Now we are here...at this place in life were again...so much is happening.  Struggles with trying to figure out what to do.  Our marriage and relationship is stronger and more solid than it ever has been.  But we are also adding on to our house, our family, and our daycare!  As I type the workers are out putting walls up on what will be Boo's room...or the boys room and little Grasshopper is swimming around inside of me...all 6 inches of him/her!  AND I have at least 2 of my Patch moms who are experiencing the same thing, one is about 3 weeks behind me and the other about 8 weeks behind me.  But we also are going ahead with another adoption.  We should have all the paperwork signed and be contracted by the end of November...fitting, as it is National Adoption Awareness month!  We very realistically could be looking at Grasshopper having a brother or sister very close in age

There is so much history in 8 1/2 years...but one thing that has not changed in that time is God.  He has been there through it all and while it isn't always easy to lean on Him...we have.  I know personally I could not have made it through all the trials the last 8 years have brought without my personal relationship with Jesus Christ my Savior!  Being a Mama to a boy that I was afraid to check on him first thing in the morning because I was sure he wasn't going to be with us any more!  Getting pregnant 4 times and loosing each one so early in their little lives.  The adoption process, marriage, church, people, oh how difficult it would have been without God!

Do you look at your life sometimes and wonder WHY?!?  Do you ever look around and think it is all pointless?  If you do maybe you should seek to find God...with God all things are possible, in His time.  I believe our 8 years can be a testiment to that.  We wanted to adopt SO BAD and in HIS time it happened.  We tried fertility treaments and 3 years later in His time Grasshopper came around with no medical help.  We prayed to be used of Him and sometimes almost forced the issue, but in His time the church that we were suppose to be with came knocking on our door!  Seriously over and over you can see how God is still in the miracle business and He wants to be working them in your life!  You just need to call on Him!

"For the wages of sin is death, BUT THE GIFT OF GOD IS ETERNAL LIFE THROUGH JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD!"  Romans 6:2

I am thankful for our history...but more than anything, for my relationship with my Heavenly Father!

Camping Trip 7.23/24.10, Part III

 We really live in a beautiful place!

 Handsome, Big J, Princess, & Boo going out for a morning of fishing...the kids' first time!

 Postcard Perfect!  It was beautiful there!

 Can you see our Fisher-People?

 Our friends have a great black lab named Trigger...this couple and their 16 month old daughter came over to watch as A was throwing Trigs ball into the water over and over again...the little girl thought it was fun!

We have talked about going there again next year, for two nights instead of one, but it will be interesting since our friends will have their first baby Jan/Feb, our Grasshopper will come Mar/Apr, and we may also have our precious little adopted bundle by then too!  We shall see...needless to say it was tons of fun and a beautiful location!  A great time was had by all!

Camping Trip 7.23/34.10, Part II

 Do you see the frost on the dock?  July 24th!!!  It got a little chilly in the tent...but we all huddled together and did okay...wasn't our most successful night of sleep though!

Camping Trip 7.23/24.10, Part I

 We went camping with some dear friends of ours in July and enjoyed our time greatly.  We already knew she was pregnant, and didn't realize that in less than two weeks we would learn of our good news.  We woke up on Saturday morning to this beautiful sight...fog lifting off of the lake!  I took several pictures, so there should be 3 days worth of enjoyment here on the blog!

Comments, Part II

So after my post this week about the comments people have said to us about adoption, infertility, & now being pregnant I read this on My Life After Loss, who borrowed it from Waiting For Our Miracle.  I thought it was interesting, because it is so true...MOST other medical issues are not touched with a ten foot pole by MOST people, so why is infertility so different?

Enjoy:

So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile?




1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you’ll be able to walk again!
2. You can’t use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralyzed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralyzed I wouldn’t have to walk anywhere!
3. My cousin was paralyzed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.
4. I guess God just didn’t mean for you to be able to walk.
5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.
6. Sorry, we don’t cover treatment for paraplegia, because it’s not a life-threatening illness.
7. So… when are *you* going to start walking?
8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk – everywhere I go!
9. But don’t you *want* to walk?
10. You’re just trying too hard. Relax and you’ll be able to walk.
11. You’re so lucky… think of the money you save on shoes.
12. I don’t know why you’re being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.
13. I hope you don’t try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.
14. Look at those people hiking… doesn’t that make you want to hike?
15. Just relax, you’ll be walking in no time.
16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.
17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I’d have a permanent limp, but I’m 100% healed.
18. I’d ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.
19. You’re being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.
20. Don’t complain, you get all the good parking places.
21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.
22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!
23. You don’t know how to walk? What’s wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!
24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you’ll walk.
25. Here, touch my legs, then you’ll walk!
26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!
27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.
28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn’t find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running…

Anyway...just some thoughts, I am not poking fun at people that are paraplegic in any way, shape, or form, simply thought this made a good point...why is infertility a commen place for people to put their nose in other peoples business?

Amazing

So even though we have had 4 {FOUR} ultrasounds and 4 {FOUR} home pregnancy tests, not to mention other doctors appointments and tests that confirm there indeed is a baby (almost 17 weeks) growing in my belly it has been something hard to wrap my mind around!  After working with fertility doctors and hearing 5 different times "you do not ovulate, you will not conceive again...no more worrying about miscarriages!" it is hard to just trust that this happened "on its own" {really it was all about God} and it is working! 

As many of you know I started the IDP diet on January 1st (not a new years resolution, just the timing of it) and from then to the end of May I lost 50 lbs!  It felt AMAZING, and then in the end of June beginning of July all progress went out the window...some weeks I was seeing a slight increase!  That was getting discouraging, until we found out the reason was Grasshopper. 

Now you can see that for 16 weeks the picture shows me HUGE!  I feel huge, and it was yet another mental struggle to get through for me.  After working my bottom off (literally, so my hubby says) and to just all of a sudden be excited for weight gain, it has been a little difficult...to say the least!  But my amazing Handsome has been such a good supporter, he keeps telling me that we will do whatever we need to allow Grasshopper to go full term and be born a healthy, happy baby.  I plan on nursing, so cannot go back to my diet until after Grasshopper turns one, but will go back!  I still had just under 30 lbs to go from where I was and plan to get there sooner or later.  But I do know that there will be working out and working hard after Grasshopper is born and before I can start back on my diet.

Anyway, all these mental difficulties are starting to get easier to take with each change in the pregnancy.  I obviously look pregnant, and it isn't like my just too big belly...it is harder and more shaped than before.  The ultrasound pictures are fun too...but last Friday night (10.15.10) when Grasshopper gently tapped me from inside for close to a half hour, that is the most real that it has all felt!  He/she did it again on Sunday night while we were at Bible Study.  My husband was teaching the Bible Studay and with my smile on my face he knew what was going on!  Tuesday night we went to bed early and after laying there for a few minutes I got one solid little tap as if to say "hey, this is too early Mama!" 

I look forward to the tapping turning into kicking, to the point that Handsome, Princess, and Boo can feel Grasshopper on the outside...so it can be more real for them! 

There are so many things that this pregnancy has brought to our lives, but thankfulness and excitement are on the top of the list at this time.  We have just over 3 weeks until we are half way and just under 4 weeks until our big ultrasound where {hopefully} we will know if Grasshopper is a boy or girl!  Cannot wait!

Thank you Lord, for the privilage of having this baby grow inside of me and getting to know how 'most' moms become moms.  HOWEVER, we are thankful for our Princess and Boo and looking forward to whom you bring into our family through adoption again...and what that little ones story will be!  We are blessed!

Comments

Sometimes you have to wonder what people are thinking, right? 

Now that I am looking obviously pregnant some of the comments we have been receiving baffle me!  I mean I literally do not know what to say or how to respond, I actually probably get the confused puppy look on my face...you know when they tilt their heads and look at you wondering what you are doing?!?!?

But one that had been in my head for days is:

"So now don't you wish you would have waited on the adoptions, I mean since you were able to do it on your own and all?"

So there are so many things wrong with this statement it isn't even funny!  First of all, if we would have waited we wouldn't have our Princess or our Boo in our lives...and the last four years would have been pretty empty!  The only regret from the last 4 years is that I didn't take enough pictures because they grow up TOO FAST! 

Next, we were not able to do it on our own.  Having the fertility shots work 3 years ago would have SORT OF been on our own, but any time a life is created (whether it lives until birth or not) God created that life.  We by no means did this on our own! 

And if we really wish that we would have been able to acheive a preganancy that seemed like it was going well and that was our ultimate goal we wouldn't be working towards another adoption in the midst of my pregnancy. 

So NO!  We are very happy that we adopted Princess and Boo and that they will have the great joy of becoming big sister and brother to our Grasshopper and (Lord willing) another adopted child!

Another one that stings a little is the whole, "see, I knew if you would have worked harder at loosing weight you would have been able to get/stay pregnant sooner!"  You see since I lost 50 lbs just before getting pregnant that automatically means that is why I got pregnant.  The REAL truth is that I was able to get my PCOS under control which in turn finally allowed me to loose some of that weight AND getting the PCOS under control allowed me to conceive and so far carry a healthy pregnancy (16weeks 5 days!) 

There are so many things we have heard over the last four years about 'stealing' someones child or all the thoughtless (at least I hope they are thoughtless) comments people have made.  You learn to let is roll off of your back and move on because we do have a 'different' family.  But it is the family God had in store for us, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sure, I would have loved to have had the chance to love on our 4 precious babies that went to heaven to early in their tiny little lives...but that wasn't Gods plan for us.  Does it make it hurt any less?  NOO!  Does it make it easier when their birthdays come around?  NOOOO!  But it does help to know that God is in control and He knows just what our family is suppose to look like/be!

Next time someone is going through something 'different' {onlly because you are not familiar with it} think before you offer advise or make a comment.  Many people are in certain situations for difficult reasons and the words you speak can really slice them. 

God has a plan, and I am thankful for that!

Something to be thankful for!

~Profile picture of little Grasshopper~ 

I have seen hundreds of these pictures, many lately on *F*ace*book...it seems that every time I turn around I hear of someone else that either just had a baby or are expecting...but there is something VERY special about this particular ultrasound picture:

IT IS OUR BABY ON THERE!

 ~This one makes me laugh, if you look at his/her hand, you will see that Grasshopper is giving a thumbs up!~

It was so precious!  In the past I have volunteered at the local pregnancy care center and we still receive their newsletter.  I saw they were training a new ultrasound tech. so they needed 'models' she could use to learn and get hours on.  I volunteered, who doesn't want to see their baby?  The ultrasound lasted about an hour and I learned alot because there was a 'teacher' in there with her going through step by step what they were looking at and measuring and why they were doing these things. 

Anyway, in the middle of trying to get a crown to rump measurement (which isn't accurate after 15 weeks btw) all of a sudden little Grasshopper put his/her hand front and center and throws up the thumb for a great thumbs up!  It just made us all giggle!  So precious to see your baby jumping and wiggling inside of you while you have no idea that is going on!

~This one was at the very end, Grasshopper crossed his/her hands over his/her belly, too cute!~

It was such a fun way to spend an hour of my time.  I get to go back in my third trimester and have another 'learning' ultrasound!  How much fun?!?!  We have now seen Grasshopper at 6 weeks 2 days, 8 weeks 5 days, 10 weeks 5 days, and 15 weeks 5 days!  Four precious times of getting a sneek peak into how he/she is growing and changing so quickly!  It is hard to believe that we are already only 4 weeks from half way through this pregnancy!  That means we are 4 1/2 weeks from {hopefully} finding out if we are going to be shopping for pink or blue!  November 17th is the big day, a day that cannot come soon enough in my opinion!  But hey, it is still before the big shopping on Black Friday!

So when I look at these pictures, I just realize we have so much to be thankful for!  We have two beautiful children (Princess 4 & Boo 3...almost 4) and this beautiful little one and then we are also working on finishing our paperwork to contract with our adoption agency as well!  What a blessing and I am SOOOO excited!

14 week belly!

Saturday October 2nd we hit the 14 week point in this pregnancy.  That means that on Thursday it will be 10 weeks since we found out about little Grasshopper!  I really do not have too much I could complain about as far as the pregnancy goes...I have been tired and we have been extra careful about what I do/don't do.  Really the biggest troubles I am having is that my body was liking being smaller (the 48 lbs I lost at the beginning of this year) and is now NOT liking getting bigger again.  My muscles are giving a rough time of it, but it is nothing in comparisson to the thought of not having more children!  It is crazy to me that in less than six months this little Grasshopper will be coming out of the comforts of my belly and meeting his/her brother and sister!  While I am a mom already and have two wonderful children, I know NOTHING about being pregnant/giving birth....but I am not scared or nervous about that.  Really, my biggest concerns were about loosing the baby.  It seems that we are past those issues, but anything can happen at any time.  I look forward to when I can feel Grasshopper moving for reassurance of this precious life inside of me.  I do think I may have felt a few little flutters, mostly at night when I move from my left side to my right, there is a little tickle in the same spot every time. 

Sorry about the absence of posting again...I am a failing blogger apparently, but I look forward to getting better (again) and hope to keep you all up to speed better on the pregnancy and my ALMOST twins that are 4 (well Boo won't be 4 for 2 1/2 months) but he thinks he is already!