January 26th

I have been thinking about writing this post for 3 days, but just couldn't find the words.  January 26th marked 9 years since our 3rd precious bundle decided Jesus' arms were calling.  While I can see the plans God had through loosing our first 4 babies through miscarriage, it does not make it easier to see their 'birthdays' come on the calendar year after year.  I used to think it would have been easier to endure the loss if we had living children around us, but now that we do have precious children my realization is that now I know what we missed by not knowing those precious children.  Hearing their giggles, kissing their owies, snuggling little bundles and seeing the world through their eyes on a daily basis are all things that in our last two miscarriages (both after we had living children) hurt even more!  Now to be honest, having miscarriages is not the biggest trial I feel we have endured, but they were life changing and have helped me to enjoy being a mommy at all hours of the day AND night and to watch my complaints about what parenthood means.  Those precious babies grow up and they become toddlers and in be'tweens' and the one we have not yet experienced - teenagers.  But you know what?  We have 6 children that we never get to go through those stages with!!!  -wonderful or tough stages as they may be- So for me to complain about the stage of parenthood we are at with ~enter any difficult moment (and there are MANY)~ our living children would be to forget the battle we faced along with being ungrateful for the blessings God has bestowed upon us.

I miss you my six precious -PERFECT- angels...see you in heaven one day.

I encourage anyone that may read this to think about a family that struggles with fertility or have even moved into the roller coaster called adoption and find a way to bless and encourage them.  Even if they are not asking for help....THEY NEED IT!!!

Maybe the words were still not right, but it was time for me to 'write' them out!  Thank you for reading my thoughts.