Happy 1 Week Birthday Cupcake!

 Last week at this very time I was laying on an operating table as my beautiful Cupcake was being welcomed into the world!  The birth story will come soon, I just have not been able to bring the emotions together to write it yet! 

This week has been one of the most amazing weeks of my life.  I love my Princess and my Sunshine, but there is something about having an instant bond with a baby...the kind of bond that just being in my arms sooths her...just gazing into my eyes calms her...and just simply being enough for her makes her happy!  Now those things came eventually with Princess and Sunshine, but with Cupcake the minute Handsome placed her in my arms that was all there already!  I have shed many tears this week over what an amazing gift it has been to experience pregnancy and now having her here is even more amazing! 

Happy one week birthday Cupcake, Mama and Daddy love you so very much ~ you are our miracle baby!

Letter for Cupcake~

My Precious Cupcake, Mama doesn't really know what is all about to happen that will finally bring you into our world, but she is very excited to finally get to hold you in her arms.  We do not know if today will be your birthday or tomorrow, but we do know there are a great number of wonderful people praying for you to join us safely!  Your big brother and sister are very excited to meet you and I think they even have a gift for you when they do! 

Sweetheart, you are a miracle.  Mommy and Daddy were told many time that you would never be...we believed them!  I think back to August 1st 2010, the day that wonderful test had the two lines and remember how much disbelief I was in!  It was a Sunday morning before church and I couldn't even talk to tell your Daddy....all I could do was show him the test and he looked at it and asked what it meant!  It was so hard to believe that after church Mama went to Walgreens in Grandpas convertable and bought a digital test so I could specifically read 'pregnant'!  The next day I begged the receptionist at the doctor to see me right away and we did get in that day. 

There have been scary points in the last 9 months, but alot of happiness and some disbelief!  Mama even now is having a difficult time sitting here thinking about the fact that God is about to bring you into our world!  We have been taking pictures of Mama's belly almost every Sunday since 15 weeks and you have made my belly VERY big!  That is why the doctors decided to induce Mama two weeks early!  But your Daddy and I think that this is right in time!  I remember the first time I felt your tiny little flutter inside me, and have been in awe lately as you don't really kick but more just 'adjust' yourself while making my belly funny shape in the process!

Sweetheart, you are coming into a family that will love you more than you can ever imagine!  We are a special family that God has pieced together in His own way and in His own time!  I cannot wait to see if you look like Mama or if you look like Daddy.   If you really have as chubby of cheeks as it looks like on the ultrasound!  If you have hair or not and all those other things! 

My precious baby girl, I do not know how long we have left until we get to hold you in our arms....but one thing is for sure....when that does happen we will NEVER let you go.  Sweetest Cupcake....we are excited to welcome you into our world and looking forward to the days and weeks and years ahead with you!

With all my love,
Your Mama


Happy Birthday Cupcake!

Mama Thoughts

 Something has hit me over the past 12 hours that I wasn't ready for.  Something that has brought tears to my eyes several times in that short time!  Last night as we were having Princess and Sunshine say their verse and sing to Cupcake one last time before she is born and then we have bedtime prayers with them I couldn't keep my tears away!  All these thoughts started running through my mind, thoughts that I had not even really considered before then.  You see our children are leaving at noon today with our Pastor and family and will be with them until after Cupcake is born (hopefully sometime tomorrow if the induction goes well!)  So the next time we will all be together we will be a family of fine.  Something we are all very excited about, and I believe Princess and Sunshine are very excited too.  But no one knows how bringing Cupcake into our home will effect our 4 year olds! 

I am sure there will be a transition time where things will be less than lovely with attitudes and behaviors...but I am also sure that big brother and sister will love their baby sister VERY much!  But as a Mama you start thinking about things like 'have I used my time with JUST them well enough' 'have I loved them enough that they know I will still love them even with a baby?' and things of that sort.  They just started creeping into my head!  We have had 'extra' kids around most of their lives through the Patch and also foster care, but all of those children end up going home at some point...they do not stick around!  We are still a very spontaneous family...there are times when at the spur of the moment we decide to run out of the house to get ice cream for fun and with a baby you need to be a little more prepared than that.  So things are going to change.

Anyway, just some thoughts on the day before my induction.  The day my big kids will leave my home with people I fully trust to care for them, but the day that they will take a piece of my heart and a life that will no longer be the same with them only to return to an entirely different situation in a matter of 72ish hours.  So I cry, I cry because I am so happy that we are so blessed.  I cry because I am sad that their lives will change (though in a good way, they may not see it as good at first) and I cry because I am still pregnant and that is what pregnant ladies do! 

But I want Princess and Sunshine to know how very much their Mama and Daddy love them...we love them today, we love them tomorrow, and we love them forever....and bringing Cupcake into our home isn't going to change that! 

In God's Time

A year ago right now my husband and I had just prayerfully committed to going on a missions trip that took place a month ago.  We were also very seriously considering joining the Panama team and moving down there to work in an orphanage.  We went to several meetings, chatted many times with dear friends and were part of some of the planning details. 

Until May of 2010 when all of a sudden I got what I thought was cold feet.  There was this tugging feeling saying, 'you cannot go on the mission trip in February 2011'  and I continued to wrestle with that thought for some time thinking it was just me being scared to go!  One day I mentioned to my Handsome to pray for me was I was battling this and that is when he informed me that he was having the same feeling.  We started praying together and the more we prayed and trusted the more it seemed we should cancel our plans.  We had no idea why and no reason to give when we did decide to cancel our plans, we just knew God was telling us it wasn't going to be okay to go!

Fast forward to now: what we didn't know then is that God was blessing us beyond what we could have imagined with our little Cupcake and after a somewhat risky pregnancy there is no way I was going to be able to go on a mission trip at 8 months pregnant!  Who would have ever guessed that was going to be the reason why!

As I sit here this morning thinking about God's plan and how we have been on pins and needles for so much of our married life waiting for God's path to be open to us it amazes me!  You sometimes wonder, 'why could He just not have shared this information with us so we didn't look so unstable backing out of a mission trip for no reason?' and other things like that.  Well, honestly, if we knew everything we wouldn't need to trust Him for those life details and we might try to make our own plan.  Now obviously in our case we would have still welcomed Cupcake into our lives because we love being parents and have desired more children since Sunshine's adoption was finalized...we just knew our family was not complete.  But in other cases there were times that we would have chosen to go a different route with knowing what was coming, but that doesn't do us any good because God's plan is always the best and even when it is a trial we need to go through you learn from those and lean on God to get you through them.  The tough stuff in life can make you or break you.  Without God and being by Handsome's side I would have never become the person I am today and probably would have stopped a long time ago! 

But now I think of the news we received yesterday, Friday we will be induced and should be meeting our Cupcake!  I know that many are excited for us and there are some that think it isn't the natural way to go and that we should just let God work and she will come when He is ready for her.  But with the troubles that we had in the past with pregnancy and the new issues that popped up over the last few weeks how can we not say this was God's plan all along.  He knows how long Cupcake has been growing in my belly and He knows if she is going to be okay or not.  He also know that with the high blood pressure as of late and the very high fluid level it may not be as safe for her to stick around for another 2-3 weeks.  We are trusting God that He knows what is best.  We are excited to finally get to meet her, and we believe that when it comes to having babies God does give us doctors to help us through that. 

God always has a plan, I have been impatient for the past oh 4 months or so, but His plan is best.  Would we still love to one day go on a mission trip, we sure would!  Would we still love to continue to grow our family?  Of course, but in God's time!  Obviously there isn't much we can do to change His plans...we tried very hard and put a lot of money into tryint to have a biological child several years ago and that wonderful doctor couldn't even 'help' me ovulate and then one month shy of 4 years later all of a sudden we end up expecting on our own!  God's time!  And lets not forget to mention that we desired to turn around in the Fall of 2008 and contract with our amazing adoption agency right after finalizing Sunshine's adoption but for some reason it just couldn't come together.  God opened all the doors and helped us contract this year...just one month before we found out about Cupcake.  Once again I know many people think we should have backed off on the adoption through the pregnancy....but it was God's time.  Our Texas baby may be a year away....or he/she may decide to come in the next few months....we do not know, but God does!  In His Time!

If there is anything the last year has taught me, it is that even when it seems you are doing the right thing and God gives a little tug on your heart that says, 'wait a minute, lets talk about this' there is always a good reason!  Now I just need to work on my patience....but that is going to take a while because I have been trying for years! 

In God's Time!

Frozen Hot Chocolate

We just tried this tonight and it wasn't bad (and I don't really LOVE chocolate!)

Frozen Hot Chocolate

*3 ounces chocolate (I used Hersey's bars!)
*2 teaspoons store bought hot chocolate mix
*1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
*1 1/2 cups milk
*3 cups
*whipped cream, for garnish
*Chocolate shavings, for garnish

Chop the chocolate into small pieces and melt in a small heavy saucepan or in the top of a double boiler over simmering water.  Stir occasionally until melted.  Add the hot chocolate mix and sugar, stirring constantly until blended.

Remove from heat and slowly add 1/2 cup of the milk, stirring until smooth.  Cool to room temperature.

In a blender, place the remaining 1 cup of milk, the chocolate mixture, and the ice.  Blend on high speed until smooth.  Pour into a giant goblet and top with whipped cream and chocolate shavings!

Seriously...a must try!

Sorry

I have been alittle low in the posting lately, partly because I don't know what to post about and partly because when is on my mind Handsome thinks I talk too much about these days.  Well, how is one supposed to NOT think about the fact that a baby is about to be born from my belly and that was NEVER supposed to happen.

There are people upset with us because we are still trying to adopt even in the middle of pregnancy of a miracle baby.  That is fine, we will do what we believe God has lead us to do in His time.  AND, as it turns out, unless something pretty amazing happens we will be having Cupcake shortly and still are not matched.  So the adoption will happen after Cupcake anyway.  Sorry, this has been on my mind for a while.  To me the excitement of looking at welcoming Cupcake into our lives soon (hopefully) and looking at welcoming our Texas baby into our live sometime in the future are both equal.  They will both be blessings God has choosen for our family. 

Cupcake will not be more to us than Princess, Sunshine, or Texas baby.  They all are members of our family that God Himself pieced together in His own way and time!  I could not imagine my life without Princess or Sunshine.  I am sure it will be the same for Cupcake and Texas baby.  Our family is unique but what an amazing story it is!  I do not know how someone could hear our story of how we became a family of four, soon to be five, and then six after that and not see God's amazing grace in the story! 

How many people go through 4 miscarriages to go on to adopt two children 3 months apart in age, then have their young body go into menopause to just when God leads the couple to start the adoption process a third time find out that the body that stopped working 5 years ago had all of a sudden started working and now are close to delivering a baby!  Seriously...AMAZING! 

I am thankful for my amazing husband.
I am thankful that we agree that a family does not need to have the same blood in their veins in order to be a family.
I am thankful that we also agree that a family doesn't mean the 1.5 kids and a dog that is our national average!
I am thankful that we have the children we do have and that he isn't ready to say our family is complete! 
I am thankful for the people in our lives that are not calling us crazy but standing beside us and saying, 'it may not be for us but it is amazing for you!'

God is good....and yes, pregnancy and children are pretty much on my mind 23/7 these days.  I am a mom, I am pregnant, we are looking at adoption again, and I am a daycare provider...pretty much all has to do with children....how could that not be what is on my mind?!?!?

Happy Friday Everyone!