In God's Time

A year ago right now my husband and I had just prayerfully committed to going on a missions trip that took place a month ago.  We were also very seriously considering joining the Panama team and moving down there to work in an orphanage.  We went to several meetings, chatted many times with dear friends and were part of some of the planning details. 

Until May of 2010 when all of a sudden I got what I thought was cold feet.  There was this tugging feeling saying, 'you cannot go on the mission trip in February 2011'  and I continued to wrestle with that thought for some time thinking it was just me being scared to go!  One day I mentioned to my Handsome to pray for me was I was battling this and that is when he informed me that he was having the same feeling.  We started praying together and the more we prayed and trusted the more it seemed we should cancel our plans.  We had no idea why and no reason to give when we did decide to cancel our plans, we just knew God was telling us it wasn't going to be okay to go!

Fast forward to now: what we didn't know then is that God was blessing us beyond what we could have imagined with our little Cupcake and after a somewhat risky pregnancy there is no way I was going to be able to go on a mission trip at 8 months pregnant!  Who would have ever guessed that was going to be the reason why!

As I sit here this morning thinking about God's plan and how we have been on pins and needles for so much of our married life waiting for God's path to be open to us it amazes me!  You sometimes wonder, 'why could He just not have shared this information with us so we didn't look so unstable backing out of a mission trip for no reason?' and other things like that.  Well, honestly, if we knew everything we wouldn't need to trust Him for those life details and we might try to make our own plan.  Now obviously in our case we would have still welcomed Cupcake into our lives because we love being parents and have desired more children since Sunshine's adoption was finalized...we just knew our family was not complete.  But in other cases there were times that we would have chosen to go a different route with knowing what was coming, but that doesn't do us any good because God's plan is always the best and even when it is a trial we need to go through you learn from those and lean on God to get you through them.  The tough stuff in life can make you or break you.  Without God and being by Handsome's side I would have never become the person I am today and probably would have stopped a long time ago! 

But now I think of the news we received yesterday, Friday we will be induced and should be meeting our Cupcake!  I know that many are excited for us and there are some that think it isn't the natural way to go and that we should just let God work and she will come when He is ready for her.  But with the troubles that we had in the past with pregnancy and the new issues that popped up over the last few weeks how can we not say this was God's plan all along.  He knows how long Cupcake has been growing in my belly and He knows if she is going to be okay or not.  He also know that with the high blood pressure as of late and the very high fluid level it may not be as safe for her to stick around for another 2-3 weeks.  We are trusting God that He knows what is best.  We are excited to finally get to meet her, and we believe that when it comes to having babies God does give us doctors to help us through that. 

God always has a plan, I have been impatient for the past oh 4 months or so, but His plan is best.  Would we still love to one day go on a mission trip, we sure would!  Would we still love to continue to grow our family?  Of course, but in God's time!  Obviously there isn't much we can do to change His plans...we tried very hard and put a lot of money into tryint to have a biological child several years ago and that wonderful doctor couldn't even 'help' me ovulate and then one month shy of 4 years later all of a sudden we end up expecting on our own!  God's time!  And lets not forget to mention that we desired to turn around in the Fall of 2008 and contract with our amazing adoption agency right after finalizing Sunshine's adoption but for some reason it just couldn't come together.  God opened all the doors and helped us contract this year...just one month before we found out about Cupcake.  Once again I know many people think we should have backed off on the adoption through the pregnancy....but it was God's time.  Our Texas baby may be a year away....or he/she may decide to come in the next few months....we do not know, but God does!  In His Time!

If there is anything the last year has taught me, it is that even when it seems you are doing the right thing and God gives a little tug on your heart that says, 'wait a minute, lets talk about this' there is always a good reason!  Now I just need to work on my patience....but that is going to take a while because I have been trying for years! 

In God's Time!