Mama Thoughts

 Something has hit me over the past 12 hours that I wasn't ready for.  Something that has brought tears to my eyes several times in that short time!  Last night as we were having Princess and Sunshine say their verse and sing to Cupcake one last time before she is born and then we have bedtime prayers with them I couldn't keep my tears away!  All these thoughts started running through my mind, thoughts that I had not even really considered before then.  You see our children are leaving at noon today with our Pastor and family and will be with them until after Cupcake is born (hopefully sometime tomorrow if the induction goes well!)  So the next time we will all be together we will be a family of fine.  Something we are all very excited about, and I believe Princess and Sunshine are very excited too.  But no one knows how bringing Cupcake into our home will effect our 4 year olds! 

I am sure there will be a transition time where things will be less than lovely with attitudes and behaviors...but I am also sure that big brother and sister will love their baby sister VERY much!  But as a Mama you start thinking about things like 'have I used my time with JUST them well enough' 'have I loved them enough that they know I will still love them even with a baby?' and things of that sort.  They just started creeping into my head!  We have had 'extra' kids around most of their lives through the Patch and also foster care, but all of those children end up going home at some point...they do not stick around!  We are still a very spontaneous family...there are times when at the spur of the moment we decide to run out of the house to get ice cream for fun and with a baby you need to be a little more prepared than that.  So things are going to change.

Anyway, just some thoughts on the day before my induction.  The day my big kids will leave my home with people I fully trust to care for them, but the day that they will take a piece of my heart and a life that will no longer be the same with them only to return to an entirely different situation in a matter of 72ish hours.  So I cry, I cry because I am so happy that we are so blessed.  I cry because I am sad that their lives will change (though in a good way, they may not see it as good at first) and I cry because I am still pregnant and that is what pregnant ladies do! 

But I want Princess and Sunshine to know how very much their Mama and Daddy love them...we love them today, we love them tomorrow, and we love them forever....and bringing Cupcake into our home isn't going to change that!