Some closure

*Lots of reading ahead...

As many of you may or may not know, I have been working with a ministry here in town called the Bella Pregnancy Center. They help expecting ladies with things like pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, counseling, Earn while you Learn which affords them the chance to learn about being a parents and needs of a developing child and they can in turn 'buy' donated items through the Mommy Money or Daddy Dollars they acquire with their 'homework.'

Anyway, I have just been a part of the fundraising committee so far. They do most things through volunteers, but do have a few people on staff including a nurse to perform the ultrasounds.

Well this starts the part that I want to share my thankfulness for. Tuesday evening we had a fundraising meeting, the first I have been able to attend since November because of the move, and I was able to be early. (I know, me early..not usually!) But, it just so happened they had another meeting before our meeting in which they invite community members in to share what the ministry does, inform them of how they operate, and give them a tour of the building they have been blessed with. I got there in time to jump in on the tour. Now in the last few months that I hadn't been able to be there, quite a few things had changed. But where my story really starts is when we stopped by the ultrasound room. Jodi, the nurse, was talking about what she would generally do with a client and walking us through it. She got to the point of bringing out the little true to life babies from different stages of development in the womb. She passed a baby of somewhere around 30 or 35 weeks of development around. It was incredible! The baby was actual weight and the features (eyes, ears, nose) were all so detailed. But then she went backwards, and I was able to see a baby at 8 weeks of development. No one in that room could have even understood how speechless I suddenly was.

That baby was not just a blob of tissues like my doctor of the time led me to believe. That baby was slightly smaller than my thumb (I do have small fingers) and you could see the perfect little toes, the arms, details in the face...now I do believe that life starts at conception, but NO ONE ever helped me understand just HOW developed our little babies were! After the rest of the group moved on to the next room I strayed back into that room to have a closer look at that little baby. I know that one day I will be able to see my babies in heaven, but for someone who at that time had no children and wanted to be a mom SO bad....I counted this a blessing. It was the closest to understanding what was going on so many years ago.

I had to confess my deeds of sneaking back in to the director and the nurse after our fundraising meeting. I went to tell Jodi that I was so thankful for getting to be a part of the tour because no doctor had ever taken the time to explain t me what my baby was like, they only talked to me about the post miscarriage details. I couldn't hold back the tears, I still cannot...she couldn't either. She has had at least two successful pregnancies, but she had also had 5 miscarriages in between.

I am thankful to have seen that tiny little baby that day. I am thankful for the sense of closure it gives to know that I have not been crazy this whole time to think that I have babies in heaven and hold to that fact. I am thankful for the little conversation that the nurse an I had that evening with few words but it spoke so much. This again just shows me a way of how God takes care of the small things in our lives. I didn't have to be early to that meeting, I didn't HAVE to be at that meeting at all. I could have lived the rest of my life without this connection to our 4 precious lives that my wonderful husband and I created, but God didn't allow that. Instead he gave me this chance, that opportunity to come as close to holding our little ones as I could have ever come with them being so tiny.

I am sorry for the wordy post, but this 'Thankful Thursday' post is a great way to start in my book...I am thankful, as a mother, to have had the opportunity to have a small, but mighty, connection with our 4 babies nearly 4-5 years later! (December 14th 2003, August 20th 2004, January 20th 2005, & April 26th 2005)

***This is a picture of an 8 week old baby in the womb. See more pictures at this site. The one below is one from the same place, but I thought it was too cute since we do sign language in our home. The firs baby is signing 'owl' and the second is signing 'I love you.'